


Drunk Bucky

by LisaFQueen



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drunken Confessions, M/M, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-03-09 15:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18919897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaFQueen/pseuds/LisaFQueen
Summary: For the 4th time in a month, Steve has to go pick up his drunk Bucky.He takes care of Bucky, makes sure he gets to bed safely.But, as it turns out, Bucky gets drunk for a reason. The first time he confessed to Steve, the latter was taken aback, surprised and wondering where this was all coming from.After that it happened again, and then again.Safe to say, Steve knows what to do when Bucky confesses again.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve growled. _Not this again_ , he thought. As he held his phone to his ear with one hand, he grabbed his jacket with the other.

"Bucky! Tell me where you are, now!"

  
"Hmmm, I don't actually know… Stevie?"

  
Steve sighed, stopping in the doorframe.  
"Yes, Buck?"

  
"Could you… Huh? Wha-? Hold on. There's something wrong. I - I think I gotta…"

  
Steve could hear his best friend throw up. He looked upwards and couldn't keep the concern out his face. After shaking his head in disappointment, he closed the door and took the stairs down, phone to his ear again.

  
"Bucky. What's the name of the bar you're in?"

  
"'M not in a bar, Stevie Pie, 'm outside."

  
"Where, Bucky, _where_?" Steve asked urgently. He was getting sick of this situation, always picking up a broken Bucky, blind drunk and barely able to walk a straight line.

  
Steve heard Bucky sigh loudly and then cough. Then he attempted to answer Steve's question.

  
"Steve? Think I'm in a gay bar because. I'm really confused if that is a lady or a man in woman's clothes."

  
For being this drunk, Bucky could still think pretty logical as his voice slurred through the phone. At this answer though, Steve huffed a laugh.

  
"Of course you are." he mumbled under his breath. He googled the nearest gay bar and found it not that far from his apartment.

  
"Alright Buck, stay where you are and try not to fall in the water. Okay?" Steve asked as he stepped on his motorcycle.

  
Bucky laughed loudly. "Aye Capt'n."

  
Then Steve called the engine to life and hurried over to the bar. He quite enjoyed night rides, the comforting coat of darkness around him.

People didn't recognise him all the time so he could have a normallish life going out at night. But of course, of _course_ , Bucky had to go to this type of bar. What was he even doing in there? Kissing guys?

The thought made Steve's stomach ache and he shook his head, as if to shake the thought out of it. He shouldn't care about that, he should only care that his best friend was alive and well.

 

 

The loud bass threw Steve out of his own head as he approached neon signs and women - or men, dressed in burlesque clothing.

  
He parked his motor and started walking towards the entrance, but was stopped by someone's hand. It was a trans man with very pink eyeshadow and a wig on his head. His nails were done the exact same color, Steve saw as he looked at the hand touching him.

  
"Hm honey, you look delicious!" The woman said and licked her lips.

_No shame, huh?_

Steve thought as he excused himself and walked past.

  
He shook his head at the level of alcohol clearly inside all of these people. Walked past the building, trying to find the garden.  
That's where he found his pal, leaning back against a tree, glass bottle in one hand.

Steve's pace fastened towards the tree and he snitched the bottle out of Bucky's hand while the latter sipped some more liquor.

  
"Think you've had enough of that." Steve's voice was stern and he met Bucky's gaze, who's eyes lit up with glee. He started smiling dumbly and opened his arms to take Steve in.

  
"Stevie!" Bucky said slowly and loudly as Steve half accepted the hug, simultaneously checking if Bucky was hurt anywhere and searching for vomit, sighing relieved as none was found.

  
"Missed you so much!" Bucky slurred as he let himself lean completely against Steve, who started leading his friend towards the motor. It would be a long night yet, he feared.

  
"I know, Buck. That's what you say every time."

Annoyingly Steve glanced at him, trying to catch a glimpse of guilt, found nothing.

  
"Bastard." Steve added lowly as he squeezed Bucky's shoulder, or at least tried to. It was kind of hard to squeeze solid metal.

  
"Hmhm. 'M sorry, Stevie." Bucky tried to sound apologetic, failing entirely.

  
"No, you're not!" Steve laughed.

  
"You're right. 'M not, not really. Dude, there are some weird - weird people in there! Did you know that - _hey!_ " Bucky whined as Steve released him to climb on the motor.

  
"What? Come on, I'm taking you home."

  
Bucky sulked and didn't move, standing in front of Steve and his motor. Knowingly, Steve smirked at him.

  
"If you get on you'll have to hold on to me."

This lifted Bucky's spirit at once, taking a step closer.

  
"Really?" He asked hopefully.

  
_God, so obvious_ , Steve thought amusingly.

  
"Yeah, all the way home." He smiled and Bucky got on, with Steve's help.

The ride home was quiet and nice. The weight of Bucky on his back made Steve calm, reassured. Now he knew his pal was safe, he could relax a little. He smiled contently as he drove along the open road.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky sighed exaggeratedly when Steve pushed the door open, full on carrying him on his shoulder now. Once inside, he threw the keys on the table and put Bucky down on his feet, still holding his arm so he wouldn't fall. Bucky steadied himself and then sighed again, looking very sad.

  
"What?" Steve asked, slightly irritated. When Bucky pulled puppy eyes, he knew something was off.

  
"Nothin'. Did you know this is our apartment?"

  
Steve was confused, he'd never asked _that_ before.

  
"Yes, Buck. It is. Actually it's mine but you can stay for as long as you like." He smiled gently at his friend.

  
"What about it?" Steve inquired.

  
Bucky averted his eyes so he wouldn't be looking at Steve's face, looking at the lonely keys on the table instead.

  
"'S just... Remember how we talked about -" he hiccupped, making Steve roll his eyes.

  
"When we talked about it?"

  
Steve still looked confused. They'd talked about the interior before, but nothing special.

  
"Talked about what, Bucky? Use your words."

Steve smirked and then walked past Buck to get himself something to drink.  
Bucky turned on his heels, gaze following Steve's blond hair.

  
"About living together?" Bucky asked, immediately pretending to inspect the ceiling when Steve looked at him over his glass of water.

  
"Yeah? Now we do." He gave Bucky a reassuring soft smile. _He must be really struggling to make his point tonight_ , Steve thought.

  
The blonde walked back to the living room and sat down on the sofa, patting the empty space next to him.  
Bucky tried to hide his happiness, but still looked like a cute puppy when he plopped down next to Steve, but not before losing his balance and using Steve as support.

  
"Now we do." Bucky smiled brightly at the other, seeming truly happy.  
Steve put his hand on the man's shoulder, petting it.

  
"Yeah, Buck. Now we live together."

He laughed at Bucky's total amazement. He has never seen his friend this.... Domestic? Not sure of himself? Enjoying? Steve didn't know the right word for it, but it was funny to look at. But then Bucky's eyes got dark and his face all serious.

  
_Oh, so it begins,_ Steve thought worriedly.

  
"Steve?" he asked, looking up at him. Steve nods and waits for Bucky to continue.

  
"I... I need to tell you something. But it's not easy." Bucky said, swallowing hard.

  
"I know, Buck." Steve comments, patting his arm and then rubbing Bucky's back. This seems to calm the latter down a bit, and Steve sees Bucky take a deep breath.

  
"Okay. Stevie..." Bucky manages, but then freezes completely when he looks at Steve's face, which shows worry and a little amusement.

  
"Yes Bucky?" Steve encourages him. _Let's get this over with_ , he thinks. Every time this happens, it kills him. Not because he doesn't feel the same way, but because he can't take advantage of his friend like this. The ball had always been in Bucky's camp, as he was the one dating girls and fooling around, while Steve was patiently waiting for his friend's love.

  
" _IloveyouSteve_." Bucky slurs out fast.

A painful silence fell between them for two minutes, which is a damned long time.

When Bucky finally dares to look at Steve again, he sees his friend looking at him with the softest expression he's ever seen. Full of love and care and everything _Steve_. Bucky huffs out in relief, and Steve's mouth pulls into a sincere smile. He grabs Bucky's neck and squeezes it gently.

  
When Bucky can't take the silence anymore, he snaps.

  
"For fuck's sake, say something!" Steve just smiles wider, hand going up to Bucky's hair. He starts massaging his head and Bucky leans into the touch, but doesn't take his eyes of Steve's.

"You won't remember in the morning, anyway." Steve's voice is sweet like honey, with a dark undertone. Just the way Bucky likes it. He closes his eyes in bliss.

  
"Exactly my point." Bucky grunted, voice filled with lust and darkness.

  
"Why waste this opportunity, Stevie? You could do whatever you want with me, I wouldn't remember anyway."

  
Steve shook his head. He continued petting Bucky's head and then took his chin between his thumb and index finger. Bucky, still purring with contentment, opened his eyes and gasped when two bright blue ones were looking straight at him.

  
"No Buck. Sorry."

  
It took a lot of self control to deny Bucky what they both wanted. But Steve knew he was doing the right thing.

  
Bucky whined hard. He looked like a child, upset and nagging. Steve laughed at this and then brought his face closer to Bucky's, only to kiss the latter's forehead, to his disappointment.

  
Then Steve got up and Bucky decided to act on his drunken stupidness. He swatted Steve's ass as he stood up, turning around and raising an eyebrow at Bucky.

  
" _Bucky_!" Steve sternly gasped, surprised at the lewdness of his roommate. It was all he could do to not just take Bucky's wrists and bind them together with his belt behind Bucky's back, and then licking and biting and sucking all over him.

  
Steve was still giving Bucky a stern look, hoping he would stop his advances. But Bucky just smirked contently.

  
"Been wanting to do that since I first saw your perfect little ass." He cocked his head up to Steve, whose eyes just grew wider.

  
"That's enough! You need to go to bed, now."

Steve insisted as he pulled Bucky out of the couch by his arms.  
Bucky whined but complied.

Once inside Bucky's room, Steve ordered him to undress. Still standing in front of him cockily, Bucky started to unbuckle his belt.

He never once took his eyes off Steve, and Steve felt uncomfortable. His heart rate went up increasingly faster and his throat felt dry. Bucky stepped out of his pants, then begged Steve to help him with his shirt.

  
_No, because I won't be able to stop_ , Steve thought darkly.

  
After some arguing, Steve had convinced Bucky to get in bed. Bucky was under the covers and Steve sat next to him on the bed. They both wanted to talk about this, but Steve knew it had to wait.

 

 

"Do you think... We could be together someday?" Bucky asked after a while of stroking each other's hands. It was such a sincere question, Steve hadn't expected it, especially after the obvious lust Bucky was experiencing.

  
Steve just smiled into Bucky's hand, giving it another small kiss.

  
"Yes." he said finally.

  
Bucky's head turned so fast, Steve was sure he had strained his neck.

  
"Then why did you refuse tonight...?" Bucky left the implication open for Steve to catch on.

  
"Because Bucky, Bucky... If you need to be drunk to tell me you love me..." Steve gazed away in the distance.

  
"It means you're still afraid of my answer. And I don't want us to start with fear. It should be out of love."

  
Bucky huffed as he felt Steve's soft lips on his hand again.

  
"So what you're saying is I should muster the courage to tell you soberly?" The desperation in his voice was obvious and Steve didn't want him to be afraid of that.

  
"Yes, Buck. If you tell me then I'll give you the truth back." He smiled softly at his best friend.

  
"Shit. You could be waiting for years yet, doll."

Bucky laughed as he played with golden locks. Their gazes met and there was a moment of pure love and tenderness. Steve leant forward and kissed Bucky on his lips, softly and sweetly.

  
"I've got time." He smiled up at Bucky, who was still enjoying the aftermath of the kiss he'd been waiting for for so long. Sweetly Steve smiles and strokes his cheek.

  
"Go to sleep, jerk. You need it."

  
Before he leaves the room though, he plants one last kiss on Bucky's forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky grunted loudly as he felt his head pounding. _Shit! Not so loud!_ he thought as the sound ripped through his skull even more.

After testing a few times first, he then fully openend his eyes. There was a pill, glass and bottle of water on the nightstand. Bucky gratefully grabbed the medicine and swallowed it down.

  
_God bless you, Rogers_ , he smiled.

 

 

When Bucky walked in the kitchen, Steve was already sitting there, sipping a cup of coffee and reading the papers. When he looked up to meet Bucky's eyes, he grimaced at him.

  
"Morning." Steve said softly, because he knew how grumpy Bucky could get if his head was hurting.

  
"Hey."

His voice was gruff. He cleared his throat and then sat down in front of Steve.  
Immediately Steve got up and grabbed a mug from the cabinet behind him, filled it with coffee and one sugar, and handed it to Bucky.

  
"Here, think you'll need this." he mumbled. Bucky was already gulping it down when Steve said the words.

  
Carefully Bucky placed the mug back on the table. He didn't want to break it, because that had happened before with his metal arm. A breeze of fresh air waved between them and Steve held down the newspaper.

  
"How are you feel-"

  
"Thanks." Bucky interrupted his friend. Blue eyes met darker ones and he nodded. It wasn't like Bucky lately to be thankful, so he tried to enjoy it while it lasted.

  
"No problem. I hope it helped?" Steve inquired. Bucky nodded and then smiled fondly at him.

  
"'M lucky to have you, y'know?"

  
A beat of silence passed and then Bucky spoke again.

  
"Did you pick me up again?"

  
"Yes. At a gay bar this time." Steve mocked. Bucky tried to remember what had happened in there.

The thing that comes to mind is him drunkenly complain about Steve to some woman, guy? The other person told him repeatedly to talk to Steve about his feelings.

_If he's been your best friend for so long, why would he hate you?_

  
_That's right! 'Till the end of the line! Stevie can't leave me!_ A drunken Bucky decided. Then he remembered stumbling outside and finding a nice tree to lean against. He needed to hear Steve's voice. He just _needed_ it. And if he came home, he was telling Steve!

  
"Did I say anything stupid?" Bucky breaks his painfully cringeworthy memories.  
Steve huffed knowingly, then looked up at Bucky again.

  
"Just the usual."

  
"Oh." Bucky breathed. So he was in the clear.  
Steve changed his sitting position and leaned on both elbows, face more serious.

  
"Listen Buck, this has gotta stop! I hate seeing you like this." The blonde was still forming the words in his head when he got interrupted.

  
"What? Drunk? If you have such a problem with me, why d'you keep picking me up?"

Bucky shot defensively. Steve blinked at the sudden change in Bucky's voice.

  
"You don't have to, y'know! You can just ignore my call -"

  
"Bucky! _Bucky_! Easy! I don't have a problem with you. C'mon, is that really what you think of me?" Steve raised his voice to stop Bucky's.

  
When Bucky didn't answer, Steve shook his head in disbelief. Bucky didn't think he'd hate him, right?

_No wonder he has to get drunk to make a move._

  
"I hate seeing you in pain, pal. You're so distressed when we get home, too. Like there's something bothering you." Steve pressed his words by inspecting Bucky's eyes fiercely. He waited expectantly, but without succes. The other just avoided his stare, gazing straight at a spot next to Steve's head.

  
"So..." Steve let the word linger in the air, hoping Bucky would speak up.

  
Still nothing.

  
Steve tried his luck by grabbing Bucky's hand with his own, trying not to stroke it. This shouldn't be like that yet. He just wanted to reassure Bucky.

  
"Bucky...? Is there something wrong?"

  
When the latter finally looked at Steve's face, he saw worry and kindness. _For fuck's sake! It shouldn't be this hard, should it? Being BFF's?_ Forcefully he pulled his hand away.

  
"No." his voice was hard and cold. Steve shrunk at the aggressiveness. A burning guilt flared in his stomach as Bucky saw Steve's reaction. His face softened and he tried to apologise.

  
"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just...."

  
A staring contest began and Steve won, those damned baby blues. Bucky huffed loudly and then casually explained.

  
"I don't deserve you, Stevie. You're way too good for a shitty friend like me. All I do is get drunk and make messes, which you have to clean up. I..."

  
Bucky shook his head, not knowing how to phrase his feeling. When his eyes wondered over Steve's face, he grimaced. Such a beautiful sight, especially in the morning.

Then the familiar pang of guilt was back for thinking something like that of his friend. Steve seemed to read his mind as he started talking.  
It was that obvious, wasn't it?

  
"I could never hate you, Buck. Secondly, you're more than worthy." He smiled at the memory of Thor's voice saying the word _worthy_. He could be so funny, that guy.

  
"You should." Bucky interrupted his trip down memory lane.

"What?"

  
"You should hate me. I'm the worlds worst best friend."

  
Steve had had enough. He was not going to explain again that if he would think Bucky was a bad friend, he would never let him stay in his apartment, nor pick him up at gay bars. They've had that argument already.

  
He got up and started to clean the table. With his back to Bucky, he said: "If you were such a bad friend, why would I care so much about you?"

  
He basically heard the loving smile in Bucky's voice.

  
"Because you're too good for this world, Stevie."

  
While washing the mugs, Steve smiled warmly. He heard Bucky get up and then footsteps going to the hall.

  
"Bucky?" Steve raised his voice so his friend would hear.

  
"Yeah?" Bucky asked, surprised.

  
"You do so much more than just get drunk,"

Steve turned around to see Bucky, then continued, "asshole."

  
Bucky saw Steve smile at him, and he didn't know what to do or say. How could this little _punk_ from Brooklyn make his heart flutter so much? He smirked and shot back: "Damn you, Rogers, damn you."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Bucky woke up to find - no Steve, anywhere. He knocked on Steve's bedroom, no answer, so he creaked the door open to see if his running shoes were still there. They were. _Where the Hell did Steve go?_ Bucky wondered.

  
Eventually he shrugged it off, making himself breakfast and starting his day, which meant working out, doing laundry, and then some gaming. Oh, and jerking off in the shower moaning Steve's name quietly, but that was trivial, Bucky cursed himself.

  
Bucky was right in the middle of Assassin's Creed when his phone rang. He jumped up and then realised it wasn't his, it was Steve's. _Why would he leave his phone here?_

  
He looked at the screen and saw a name: Peter Parker. Wasn't that Tony Stark's kid?  
Bucky was thorn in half. If he answered the phone he should later explain to Steve why he was answering his calls. But if he didn't pick up and it was an emergency...

  
Sighing out loud, Bucky pressed the green button and mumbled a hello.

  
" _Uhh_ , Captain America Sir Steve, I need some help with my homework. But you don't have to, sorry if I'm interrupting something, I was just wondering y'know -"

  
"Hey kid! Calm down. It's Bucky, Steve's out and I don't know where." Bucky interrupted the obviously flushed rambling.  
There came a disappointed _oh_ and then a I-have-an-idea-ah.

  
"You were in the war too, right?" Peter asked eagerly. Bucky said yes and so the call went on for another half hour. Bucky had to admit, the kid had humor. His voice was so full of emotions and intonations and it was a blessing in the too silent apartment.

 

 

When the call ended it was around half past six in the afternoon. Bucky sighed and touched his PS4 controller again, but decided against it. He missed Steve, and if the man didn't come home, Bucky would go find him.  
Smirking with mischief Bucky grabbed his leather jacket and went out, making sure to take his phone with him.

 

 

_Damn, crowded in here. Now where's the part about Steve?_

  
Bucky nonchalantly walked past the old World War 2 planes. He was wearing a cap and his hands were in his pockets. He just hoped people wouldn't recognize him. Not that he had a lot of fans, since the whole Russian Assassin thing everybody seemed afraid of him.

  
_Finally_ , Bucky thought as he stepped closer to the mannequin wearing Captain America's uniform. He smiled as he saw his own uniform stand next to it, a big picture of himself on the wall behind it. So heroic! And dramatic.

Bucky couldn't supress his grin as he walked on to read one of the glass boards on Steve.

  
Nostalgia made his way through his body and soon Bucky was lost in old memories of him and Steve, both still 14 and outlaws, or so it felt. Like they had the whole world to themselves.

Endless nights they had talked, laying down on the grass, Bucky eventually covering Steve with his coat because he got cold. Steve always protested to any kind of help Bucky offered, even with his coughing fits.

  
Bucky chuckled and shook his head lightly. God, that was ages ago. Yet their relationship hadn't changed that much. The only thing that had changed was Steve's body. Bucky didn't have to look out for him anymore, he could protect himself now.

Plus, no more diseases and heart problems and asthma and frequent colds. In a way, this was easier, but Bucky still missed the way his arm would fit perfectly around his little Stevie, height just right for Bucky to kiss him on his temple if he wanted to.

  
He used to be so much braver, more confident around Steve. He used to flirt outrageously with Steve when they were alone, but all Steve ever did was either laugh or dismiss the compliment.

Now Bucky was so damned afraid to even step on Steve's toes, figuratively.

  
"Staring is impolite, you know."

  
Bucky almost jumped at the voice in his ear. He looked to his right and almost hit the blonde, the sneaky bastard.

  
"For _fuck's_ -"

  
"Language, there are kids here." Steve grinned back. But he was right. Bucky had been staring at footage of them in '45, laughing and preparing missions together.

  
"What're you doing here, anyway? Miss the good old days?" Steve inquired.

  
"What are you doing here? Greeting fans?"

Bucky snared back defensively, not sure if he should answer with _No, I just missed you._

  
Steve couldn't supress a laugh and then gazed at the floor, still smiling knowingly.

  
"Nah, I've got you to admire me."

  
That did it.

Bucky snapped at the wink Steve gave him. Forcefully he grabbed one of Steve's wrist and pulled him away from the crowd, into one of the little rooms that played movies. It was dark and a few kids were sitting at the first row, watching the 'Man with a Plan' footage in black and white.

  
Bucky pushed Steve inside and then led him to the back wall in the corner. Steve's back was pressed against a wall and Bucky almost slammed it in frustration, but forced himself to stay calm. He didn't want to scare or anger Steve, let alone let him know how this little game was getting to him.

  
Steve was still grinning at his friend, challenging him with his eyes. _Come on, do it. I know you want to_ , they seemed to say.

  
"Fuck." Bucky whispered as he stared at his feet, calming himself down.

  
"Steve, I can't do this anymore! I just can't."

Bucky seemed to apologize. He looked thorn, and Steve almost took petty on him and wanted to kiss it better, but he didn't.

  
"You can't do what anymore, Buck?"

He asked instead. Bucky just shook his head. He wanted to kiss Steve so bad, wanted to grab his wrists and push them against the wall and push his knee between Steve's legs. He was hard and aching and emotional. He was totally in love, had been for so long, and his heart was about to explode.

  
When Bucky opened his mouth to say something, only a hurt sob came out. It was too damn hard. He couldn't do it, not to Steve.

  
"This. 'M sorry Stevie, but... I just can't do _you_ anymore."

  
Even with Bucky being this emotional, Steve couldn't resist. He was either going to break or make him, and Steve didn't want to see Bucky break. Again. So he opened his mouth, face full on fight-me mode.

  
"But you're not doing me yet."

Bucky reacted so fast Steve didn't even finish his sentence.

  
"Don't!" He pointed his finger accusingly at Steve, then froze when Steve said the word _yet_.

  
It took Bucky a few seconds to process what just happened. He looked to Steve, who was already regretting ruining such an important moment, then blinked his eyes a few times.

  
"Wh - I'm sorry what?" Bucky blurted out and two kids turned their heads. Steve smiled at them and they looked back at the screen, one girl clearly embarrassed.

  
"What did you just say?" Bucky demanded and Steve's eyes grew serious.

  
"Sorry, wrong choice of words. Anyway, what do you mean you can't do this anymore?" Steve tried to recover.

  
"No. No no no Stevie. You don't get to ignore that." Bucky shot back, seeming a little more confident than before.

  
"Bucky, I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to tease - annoy you." Steve spoke fast when Bucky looked away.

Bucky was listening, but all he could hear was _I didn't mean anything by it_  over and over again in his head. Steve was mumbling some other stuff but Bucky couldn't care less. He felt rage and sad and oh so tired.

Steve only got him out of his head when he touched Bucky's shoulder, a touch which Bucky pushed away immediately.

  
"So you didn't even mean it?" Bucky's voice sounded broken, defeated.

  
"What?" Steve was confused. Shit, why couldn't he just force the truth out of Bucky? This situation was so much more tricky and very painful for Bucky, them both actually if Steve had to admit it.

  
Bucky sighed disappointedly and then looked up at Steve with the most sincere, loving look Steve had ever seen. Tears were threatening to fall out of his bright eyes, and Steve caved.

He grabbed Bucky's face needlingly and pressed his lips hard against Bucky's. Bucky was surprised, but kissed Steve back and the kiss went from needing, desperate to soft and loving. They broke apart and Steve smiled fondly at the other and whispered that they should get out of here.

But Bucky just started crying, everything being too much, all of it, all of Steve. He needed some fucking time to get his head straight, ignoring the desperate screams from his pants and brain to shut the fuck up and follow Steve to a back ally and start fucking him right there and then.

  
Steve read his expression and pulled in for a hug, but Bucky pushed him away.

  
"Please stop." Bucky whimpered desperately and started panicking. He didn't want Steve to see him like this, so fallen apart. Steve tried to calm him down, seeing the panic attack before it happened.

  
"Buck, easy, just breathe."

He whispered. He was very aware of other people looking at them strangely, wondering what was going on. Bucky pushed his hand away and started walking out of the room with a fast pace, ignoring the people judging him. He only cared about Steve anyway, and now that he finally got what he wanted, his brain panicked. Bucky was so angry with himself!

  
Once outside he started running, hearing Steve scream his name after him. He just _had_ to get away.  
Steve was left there, watching Bucky run away from him.

  
_Shit!_ There was no stopping him now.


	5. Chapter 5

"Bucky, hi. It's me, well you know who it is, you know my voice. Listen. Again, I'm sorry for what happened at the exhibition.  
I shouldn't have done that, it's just... I wanted to. Anyway Buck, we've been through so much together.

  
Are we really gonna let this ruin it? I mean c'mon, you've known me for Goddamn 100 years now, you know I always do stupid stuff.  
Stuff that's not good for me, it's just...

Look Bucky, just come home, for God's sake! I wanna talk about this, and so do you. And I miss you.

  
So... Please don't do anything stupid, okay? Love you. Well, not in that way, but y'know. Or I do love you in that way but..."

  
Steve sighed hard. He couldn't do this. He was basically begging Bucky to come home and it was bad. He didn't know how to phrase his feelings, how much he missed Bucky.

  
Annoyed with himself he erased the message. Bucky deserved better than this. Sighing again in disappointment and shaking his head, Steve tried again.

  
"Hey Buck, it's me. Listen, wherever you are, please be careful. And if you're ready, come home so we can talk through this.

  
I'm not gonna lose my best bud to something like this, okay? 'Till the end of the line."

  
Steve's voice was stern and he pushed the send button. Bucky had been gone for two days now, which didn't surprise Steve.

  
Bucky was usually braver than this and didn't run away from his problems. Steve guessed that this must mean a damn lot to him.  
He went back to cutting vegetables, with one hopeful eye on his phone.

 

 

Bucky was staring down the city in the night. He was sitting on the roof of some building.  
Smiling nostalgically, he listened to the voicemail again and couldn't help but be thankful for Steve's voice.

  
It was severe and so _Steve_ when he wanted to get something done. He had to admit, he missed Steve pretty bad. But he had to do this, clear his mind of the gutter and all the bullshit.

  
When he pressed the call button, his stomach flipped over in nervousness. _Shit_ , he was really gonna do this!

  
A few awful seconds seeped by as the beeps passed, then: "Bucky? Bucky where are you? Are you okay?"

  
Steve's voice was full of hope and worry and insecurity.  
All Bucky could do was huff, and Steve heard. He heard his best friend, all be it by a stupid puff of air.

  
"God, I miss you so much! Please come home. I'm serious, Buck. I... I miss you, okay?" Steve rambled on.

  
He was nervous as Hell, Bucky could tell. He couldn't supress a grin as he kept listening to Steve.

  
"Where are you anyway? Have you eaten enough? If you come home I'll make your favorite dish, I swear. Do I need to come get you anywhere?"

  
And then, a sound that made Bucky's gut turn around, but in the fucking good way, Steve breathed his name.

  
" _Fuck_ , Steve." Bucky sighed finally, eyes closed in bliss. The last few days his mind had had two states: pure anxiety and aggressive arousal.

  
There was no in between, and he was surprised at how good Steve was in blending them together.

  
Then Steve growled through the phone, spurring Bucky on to speak.

  
"So. You want me too then?" Bucky grinned and Steve could hear the devilish glance Bucky's eyes.

  
Though he was taken aback by the directness of the question, he answered anyway, words he had wanted to say to Bucky for so long now.

  
"Yes, Bucky, fuck. How could I not want you? You're the best thing in this whole fucking world." Steve urged.

  
Bucky was already making his way down the building, his metal arm doing the climbing. He took some time to think about his answer.  
He tried to ignore his arousal because this was a confession, something important.

  
"Steve, please tell me something." Bucky said, trying to stay calm and not let anxiety take over.

  
See, that was the downside of turning off his primal instincts. His thoughts could turn dangerous fast.

  
"Anything!" Steve blurted out. Shit, he had to calm down before Bucky found him too needy.

  
He steadied himself on the couch with one hand, the other holding the phone to his ear.  
"If the end of the line is, me and you sitting on a bench somewhere, both grown old, happy together, and I mean really _together_. Would you....?"

Bucky trailed off, afraid to say it out loud. He was so in love with Steve, he would do anything for him. But voicing his ultimate fantasy, if things were this unsure, was too much.

  
"Would I still be there with you?" Steve finished the sentence. Bucky made an uhu-sound, face showing scared, and then heard Steve laugh loudly.

  
Bucky stopped walking, everything else blurry but Steve's voice. _Fuck, did he think this was a joke or something?_

  
"Oh Bucky, please." Steve said, voice soft, not a grain of judgment. "Baby, that's all I want."

 

 

 

Steve opened the door, eyes full of hope and a little scared.  
He saw Bucky standing there, hair down, and all Steve could think was _Thank God you're okay!_

Bucky gave him a tired smile and Steve launched himself at him, hugging tightly.

  
"Hey man. I missed you, Buck. Missed you so much I thought I'd do something stupid."

  
Steve whispered and he put his nose in Bucky's neck, taking in Bucky's scent. Bucky just patted Steve on his back, grinning as he heard him talk.

  
"You're always doing something stupid."

Bucky replied. They broke apart and Steve squeezed Bucky's arm.

  
"C'mon, we gotta talk." Steve said as he led Bucky to the couch. Bucky was still afraid of this part, the talking.

  
He wasn't good at it either, didn't know how to phrase his emotions. Because instead of saying  
_This is a little overwhelming, let me think about it and I'll explain everything when I'm ready._  he ran away for days. Bucky shook his head in his own disappointment.

  
He was sure Steve had been worried sick, just because of his anxiety.

  
"'M sorry, Steve." Is all Bucky could say, staring at the table. Steve put his arm around Bucky, trying to comfort him.

  
"Hey, it's okay, you're okay. Everything's -"

  
"No. I ran away without letting you know anything. That's not okay. I should've called. Or at least answer your hundred voicemails."

  
They both grinned at that. Steve squeezed Bucky's neck in reassurance.

  
"Well, yeah, but-"

  
"It was still nice to hear your voice though."

Bucky interrupted again.

  
"Hey stop talking over me!" Steve raised his voice, but there was no anger in it.  
Then his eyes met Bucky's and it felt like home. He should always be looking at Steve. It made Steve feel safe and loved.

  
Then he saw Bucky fully inspect him, eyes roaming over his chest, arms, then pants, back again to those baby blues.

  
Bucky felt himself get hot and he tried to shake the thoughts off. No, he should be focussing on their conversation! And by the way, was it just him or did Steve feel the tension too?

  
Steve smiled fondly when an idea popped in his head. His hand moved from Bucky's shoulder downwards to his lower back.

  
When Bucky felt this he gave Steve a questioning, defensive look. Steve returned him a challenging one. _So this was how it was gonna be?_

  
"Why did you kiss me?" Bucky's voice was rough. Steve hadn't glanced away this whole time, and Bucky felt himself blush.

_Damn blood getting everywhere!_

  
The blonde laughed amusingly and then simply answered: "Because I wanted to."

  
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Bucky asked, trying to figure out when Steve found out about his feelings.

  
"You weren't ready yet." Steve let his hand roam even more downwards, squeezing Bucky's ass with a grin.

  
"The Hell I was!" Bucky defended himself, trying not to focus on the electricity running through his veins.

  
Steve let his hand rest where it was and smiled, eyes somewhere beneath Bucky.

  
"If you get drunk four times to tell me you love me, you're not ready." Steve looked at Bucky again, whose eyes grew wide.

  
"Shit, did I really do that?"

  
Steve uhu-ed.

  
"What'd you say?" Bucky asked curiously, still trying to recall the moments.

  
With a big smile, Steve leaned towards Bucky, putting his other hand on his knee.

  
"Well, the first time I did _this_." He smirked and then kissed Bucky, gently and way too fast.  
It had to last longer, and when Cap broke away, Bucky tried to follow his lips for more. He started to breathe heavily.

  
Steve grinned when he saw Bucky's eyes, tender yet full of lust.

  
"And the second?" Bucky inquired, hoping the answer would be _I gave you a blowjob_.

  
But Steve just shrugged.

  
"You started to lick my neck and bite my ear when I dragged you upstairs."

  
He cocked his head to the door to make his point. "So that was pretty obvious."

  
Steve smirked at the memory. Bucky huffed and gave Steve a questioning look.

  
"And?" he asked when he lost his patience.

  
"And what? I put you in bed and made sure you weren't throwing up on the floor."

  
Bucky rolled his eyes hard at that.

  
"So nothing happened? You didn't...?"

  
Steve laughed. "No, nothing happened. I never took advantage of you, Buck. I promise."

  
Steve looked like he was swearing an allegiance to God. But Bucky just grunted and rubbed one hand over his forehead.

  
"Oh my God, why didn't you?" Bucky was starting to get frustrated.

  
If Steve had taken advantage of him, they would've probably been fucking right now, not having this shaming conversation.

  
"Like I said, I didn't want to take ad-"

  
"Steve, for fuck's sake! I was licking your neck! How did you think I didn't want that?"

  
Steve laughed and shook his head, seeing Bucky's sexual frustration unfold. He held his both hands in the air.

  
"It wouldn't have mattered anyway! You were too drunk, you forgot everything the next morning."

  
"Yeah, well if I'd have woken up next to you we could've done it all over again!"

  
Bucky shot back, almost adding some inappropriate sentences as to what he would've done to Steve.

  
"Buck, c'mon! Are you really gonna be pissed at me because I didn't fuck you?"

  
Steve raised one eyebrow, watching Bucky battle with himself. He loved this and knew that Bucky would snap and yell the truth if they got loud enough.

  
"You should've been fucking me back in '43, Steve! Jesus!" Bucky grunted and as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it.

_Fuck!_

  
Steve shot him a lustful look. He smirked and Bucky knew he had said too much.

  
"Since then?" His voice was the complete opposite of his face though, it was soft and even cracked with sincerity.  
Bucky got all serious and averted his eyes, trying to sound casual.

  
"Yeah, of course. I've always loved you, Stevie. What did you think?"

  
Steve shifted on the couch and his eyes were darker than usual. He too was not looking at his friend.

  
"Since a few months ago? Since... We lived together?"

  
Bucky shook his head, thinking of how stupid he was.  
He should've just pushed Steve against a wall when they were still young, and kissed him so hard his lips would fall off.

  
"No..." Bucky smiled fondly, catching Steve's eyes.

  
"Remember your birthday night when you were sick and I sneaked you outta the house?" He waited for Steve to nod and then continued.

  
"Remember how I got you flowers? They uh, they had a note. I had a plan." Bucky laughed a little, almost proudly.

  
"My plan was to give you those flowers and let you read the note, and then kiss you as a birthday gift."

  
Steve almost melted at the memory, but he never got a note. He would've loved that. That would be the best gift in the world.

  
"I never got the note, or the kiss." Steve smirked and then let his eyes fall on Bucky's. They shared a loving look and then Bucky broke away, still smiling.

  
"Well, I took petty on you. You were complaining on how you hadn't had your first kiss yet, so..."

  
At this Steve laughed loudly, he almost couldn't believe it.

  
"What was on the note?" Steve asked when he was done laughing, almost crying.

  
"Uh, I don't remember." Bucky mumbled and then looked away quickly, a blush creeping up his face. Steve tapped his shoulder.

  
"C'mon! Tell me!"

  
_"No!"_ There was a dangerous edge to Bucky's voice and Steve's dick twisted in interest. He raised his hands in surrender.

  
"All right, don't tell me. But you gotta at least tell me one thing." Steve let his eyes go over Bucky's body, not trying to hide it.  
When Bucky saw this, his eyes turned dark too.

  
"How did you expect me to not notice you staring at me?" His voice was low and Bucky saw him breathing faster.

  
"Thought I was being subtle. Besides, can't help it."

  
He could explode right there and then, push Steve back against the couch and start jerking him off.

  
He wanted to touch him so badly but couldn't. How long is this conversation going to be? What was the point anyway?  
They had established they both wanted each other, _let's get fucking_ , Bucky thought darkly.

  
"I always wondered what you thought about me. First, I was afraid you hated this body, but then one day..."

  
Steve started to grin amusingly, hint of lust still in his eyes as he looked at Bucky.

  
"I saw it in your eyes, Buck. When you were smoking. The way you sucked at that thing, eyes fixed on me... I could only imagine."

  
Steve grinned wickedly now, challenging Bucky to the fullest.

  
He wanted him to want him. He needed to see Bucky look at him _that way_ again. He wanted to make him _break_.

  
Bucky grinned back, aware of what Steve was trying to do. It did work, though, and Bucky felt his dick strain in his jeans. It hurt, both physically and mentally.

  
"Yeah? And what was I thinking about?"

Bucky asked seducingly. He leaned forward putting one hand on Steve's knee like the latter had done to him before.

  
Steve leaned back against the couch and let Bucky touch him, eyes heated.

  
"I hoped it would be... You kneeling before me, looking up with that beautiful crooked smile of yours."

  
Bucky was very interested and wanted to hear more. He moved his hand closer to Steve's thigh, pushing gently, but hard enough to create pressure.  
Steve closed his eyes a brief second and then put his hand on Bucky's head, playing with his hair.

  
"Oh yeah? And what would I be doing?" Bucky continued softly, wanting to kiss Steve already.

  
Cap's lips curled up in a smile and he tugged hard at Bucky's hair.  
It was so unexpected and Bucky _moaned_ from the sensation, gripping his hand in Steve's thigh.

  
"Making those noises, among other things."

Steve hissed through his teeth, pulling Bucky closer.  
The kiss was rough and aggressive and everything Bucky had been wanting right now.

  
Steve moaned in his mouth as Bucky's hand stroked over his dick through his pants.  
When they broke away they were panting. Steve tried to pull Bucky into his lap, but he refused, kneeling on the floor instead.  
Steve cocked one of his eyebrows up, giving Bucky a lustful look.

  
"You sure about this, Buck?" Steve growled, petting Bucky's hair. Bucky just focussed on getting Steve's cock free of his pants.

  
"Are you kidding me? Been wanting this for too long!"

  
Steve threw his head back when Bucky started to stroke him up and down, grip firm, pace slow.  
His cock looked so good, and Bucky had to bite back a moan.

  
" _Fuck_. You're good a-at this." Steve grinned at Bucky, who just smiled back wickedly.  
He rose up to kiss Steve passionately.

"Had a lot of practice." Bucky said in between bites and kisses.

  
Then he went back down again with his head, leaving Steve breathless.  
Bucky looked up at Steve, who was giving him heavy bedroom eyes.

  
Bucky asked for permission and Steve nodded, stroking Bucky's cheek lovely.  
_Fuck_ , Bucky thought nervously as he inspected and squeezed Steve's cock. He was really gonna do this.

  
Had been thinking about this for so long, and now he had the chance. He was not going to fuck it up again, biting back his insecurity.  
And just like that, Bucky licked over the slit. Steve hissed and grabbed tighter onto Bucky's hair.

  
Steve tasted like the way he smelled, good and familiar.  
Bucky took him fully in his mouth now, trying to deepthroat Steve. But his gag reflex kicked in and he pushed Steve's cock back out.  
Steve felt high already, but gazed down in concern anyway.

  
"Hey, don't force yourself."

  
Bucky's eyes met his and he looked disappointed. He wanted to make Steve feel good, he just _had_ to.

  
"Let me try again." Bucky said, voice rasped. Steve shook his head and stroke Bucky's cheek again, looking at him lovingly.

  
"Baby, it's all right. You feel good, I promise."

  
"Really?" Bucky choked out, feeling insecure. _Of course_ he had to fuck it up with the first try.

  
He was cursing himself when Steve's grip tightened and he was forced to look at Steve.

  
"Yes, but why don't we try something else, since you're always in that head of yours."

  
Steve said sternly and then kissed Bucky lightly.  
He saw the way Bucky was beating himself up, and knew that if he would let him think too much, the fun would be over for Bucky.  
Steve pulled Bucky up and into his lap. They kissed and grabbed at each other, moaning into their mouths.

  
Steve squeezed Bucky's ass and Bucky stroked Steve's cock. _This was nice_ , he thought.

  
Without hesitation, Bucky increased the pace and soon Steve was panting hard, grabbing at Bucky for anything he could touch.

  
"Buck wait!" Steve groaned as he was attacking Bucky's throat, placing ten hickey's on the soft skin.

  
Instinctively Steve jerked his hips into Bucky's hand, who was finding it incredibly hot.

  
Without any mercy Bucky kept going, in spite of Steve's complains and attempts to push his hand away.  
Bucky knew he could easily do that if he wanted to, with the super strength, but apparently Steve let Bucky be in control.

  
"What's wrong, Stevie? Can't hold back?"

Bucky smirked as Steve was _this_ close to spilling his load.  
Steve just moaned in response, spurring Bucky on. He firmly pushed down and then up, going over the split with his thumb.  
He did this again and again and then Steve forcefully grabbed Bucky's head, smashing their mouths together as Steve came, sounds muffled by Bucky's tongue.

  
"Fuck!" Steve grunted when he came down from the high, smiling at Bucky, who was already licking off the cum on his hand.

  
"That was _not_ how it was supposed to go."

Steve complained then, snuggling into Bucky's neck, who just laughed and kissed Steve's head.

  
"Why not? Was it that bad?" Bucky smirked as Steve sat back to talk. He rolled his eyes, thinking about how hot it had been.

  
"Oh it was _good_! You're good."

  
Bucky smiled down in shyness.

  
"Thanks." His voice sounded small and Steve cupped his chin, giving a loving look.

  
"Hey, you're fucking amazing." He said and then pulled Bucky closer for another kiss.  
When they pulled apart Steve's face was full of mischief.

  
"What?" Bucky asked, knowing he would probably regret it.

  
"Now let's do you!" Steve mumbled as he palmed Bucky's pants again.  
Bucky grunted and Steve grabbed his ass, pulling them off the couch.

  
"Where we going?" Bucky asked as he held on to Steve's neck. Steve just huffed in response.

  
"The bedroom, duh!"

 

 


	6. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure smut and fluff, just extra, is not part of the main story  
> 

" _Fuck_ Steve!" Bucky moaned as Steve rammed into him. It felt so good, filling him up. Steve leant forward and pushed two fingers in Bucky's wet mouth while he rasped " _Suck!_ " in his ear.

  
Bucky swore he could come right there and there. Still moaning, he licked Steve's fingers. Then sucking and biting on the digits as Steve picked up the pace.

  
"St- Steve!" He moaned again. Steve grunted in response and bucked his hips upwards, which caused both men to see stars.

  
"Fu-ucking Hell Stevie." Bucky grunted and Steve panted loudly. Steve was pushing into his sweet spot over and over, making Bucky's whole body to feel electrified and so fucking good.

  
"Hard-er!" Bucky whined and with his metal arm he hugged Steve's arm, keeping him close.

  
"Bucky." Steve forced himself to say out loud, trying to sound composed. But the moan that came after betrayed him and Bucky grinned, immediately followed by a grunt.

  
"You're so - so fucking hot." Bucky pushed back his hips and Steve lost his balance, falling on Bucky's back. He let out a strangled sound while moving franticly, needing more, needing _Bucky_. Steve moved faster and harder and pushed in as far as he could. That earned a muffled sound from Bucky as he bit on the pillow, trying not to come yet. But Steve made it so damn hard.

  
"Buck, I - I gotta - " Steve managed as Bucky pushed back harder, forcing his orgasm out of him.

  
_"Faah! Hnnng!"_ Bucky felt Steve come inside him and couldn't resist, barely touching his own cock before he came as well.

 

 

Both enjoying the afterglow, they cuddled in bed. "Well, that didn't last very long." Bucky said amusingly as Steve bit his arm. The blonde chuckled.

  
"What did you expect? We've been apart for a whole week." Bucky smiled back while stroking Steve's hair, the latter feeling Bucky's content sigh on his skin. Bucky mused an uhu-sound and then kissed Steve's hair.

Steve turned his face upwards so he could kiss Bucky's lips. These kisses were always the sweetest. Steve enjoyed them almost more than what came before, because he could feel the love Bucky had for him in these kisses. He felt himself smile against Bucky's lips, and Bucky started to chuckle.

Steve raised his eyebrows when they pulled apart.

  
"What?" he asked challengingly.

Bucky just caressed his cheek with his thumb, taking in those damn blue eyes that made his heart pound.

  
"Nothin', sweet thing. Just love you so much."

he mumbled and then placed a gentle kiss on Steve's cheek. Steve blushed at this but didn't look away, inspecting Bucky's pretty features. Pure happiness formed on his face and Bucky smiled back, caressing as much of Steve as he could.

  
"You're still that cute little guy from Brooklyn inside, aren't you?" Bucky mused and kissed Steve again on his head, breathing in his scent.

  
"Jup." Steve replied.


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky was _hard_ and wanted Steve to touch him all over. Steve threw him on the bed and hovered over Bucky immediately.  
Bucky just smiled and took Steve's face in between his hands, inspecting the beautifulness.

  
Steve smiled back and placed a wet kiss on Bucky's lips. The latter opened his legs and pushed up against Steve, who broke the kiss and started sucking at Bucky's soft skin on his neck.

  
"Fuck Stevie!" Bucky gasped as he pushed Steve's head closer to the skin. How could those lips feel _so good_ on his Goddamn neck?

  
Steve smiled against Bucky and let his hands roam over his chest, pinching at a few places, making Bucky laugh.

  
"How is pinching gonna make me come?"

Bucky laughed. Steve's head popped up in Bucky's view again, laughing himself.  
"Shut up! I want to feel you."

  
Bucky grinned, couldn't help it. He took one of Steve's hands, first bringing it to his lips and kissing the knuckles.

  
Then Bucky pushed his hand down, grinding it against his hard cock.

  
"Then _feel_ me." His voice was husky and he saw Steve's eyes sport a hungry glitch.

  
Steve had to bite back a moan and took over, giving Bucky the room to explore Steve's chest and hair.  
Bucky was halfway through licking Steve's ear when he stopped in his tracks, bucking his hips up at the touch of Steve's hand on his naked cock.

  
" _Fuuuck_ feels good." Bucky hissed, trying to know how to breathe again.

  
"Always for you, baby." Steve murmured, enjoying the feeling of having Bucky's weight in his hand.

  
"Now shut up and bite my ear." Steve ordered while locking eyes with Bucky, dominating the shit out of him.

  
Bucky _loved_ it! This should go on forever, in Bucky's opinion. He made an uhu-sound and started inching towards Steve's already wet ear, trying to focus.

  
Steve picked up the pace, making sure to get to the base of Bucky's cock, then going up in a smooth motion. He smirked wickedly as he heard Bucky whimpering noises.

  
Bucky forgot his task and just laid his head on the bed, looking at the ceiling in bliss.

  
Making out with Steve had been torture enough, getting him so hard he could blast any minute then, holding back most of his urges to just dry hump Steve's brain out.  
Safe to say, he was already very close before Steve even touched him.

  
He registered Steve's face in front of his as he let go of his own restrictions, moaning loudly into the empty room.

  
Saw Steve smirk, pure joy in those blue eyes. He dropped his face down to french Bucky, who just continued moaning.

  
Steve couldn't hold back a smile as he fastened his strokes, making Bucky growl in pure desperation.

  
"Shit! _Ste-eve!_ Fuck!" rolled of his tongue, grasping Steve's arms _hard_.

  
"You know what it is, Buck? It's all in the wrist." Steve said amusingly as Bucky took in the sweet voice, coming hard in Steve's hand.

Steve chuckled as he was giving Bucky kisses through his high, lips puff and wet.  
Bucky composed himself after a few minutes, making a face at his cum on Steve's hand, who was wiping it off with a handkerchief.

  
"Sorry." he muttered softly, barely hearable. Steve just stroked a hair behind Bucky's ear, giving him a loving look, whispering: "Don't be, cutie." to him.

  
Bucky let himself fall on his back again, sighing contently.

  
"Shit. I want that every fucking day, Steve," he turned his head to watch Steve take off his shirt, "that too." Bucky smiled as he let his fingers stroke Steve's abs.

  
"Next time I'm licking them." Steve laughed at this, taking Bucky's hand in his own, pressing them against his chest.

  
"God, you have no idea how much I love you, Buck."

  
"And you have no idea how sexually frustrated I've been the last century."

  
Bucky shot back, grinning as he stroked Steve's thigh after wriggling his hand out of Steve's.   
Steve patted Bucky's stomach as if to gesture a _get up_. Bucky complied and followed Steve to the bathroom.

  
"We look good together." Bucky commented as he watched him hug Steve from behind in the mirror.

  
Cap just smiled fondly, giving in and shaking his head lightly. Bucky let him go to draw the bath.

  
"Yes, we do." The blonde agreed as he pushed up Bucky's shirt.  
"Take off your clothes." Steve said as he was pulling down his pants. Bucky smiled and got naked.

  
He needed some time to adjust to the ridiculously hot water, steadying himself on the frame.

  
Eventually he sat down completely opposite Cap and smiled, almost proudly.  
Steve grinned and splashed some water near Bucky's stomach, who returned the favor.

  
"Now, let's talk." Steve's voice was serious and low, setting the mood.

  
Bucky had to supress the nausea in his stomach. The change of tone was so quick and he had to take a deep breath to prepare himself.

  
When he was ready he looked Steve in the eyes, who noticed the fear, and nodded.

  
"Okay, let's talk."


	8. Chapter 8

"So, what were you doing in the Smithsonian?" Steve asked, voice stern.

 _Fuck_ , Bucky thought, nervously fidgeting with his thumb, pulling off skin. It was a tick he'd picked up after recovering in Wakanda. Supposedly it is a reaction of his body to the traumas, a soothing feeling.

  
Bucky 's annoying memories flashed in his mind, and Steve saw how gone he was.  
He lifted a finger to Bucky's chin, who was still looking at his hands.

  
"Hey," Steve's face softened. "Bucky."  
Bucky looked up, eyes locking on Steve's. They were radiating blue.  
"Sorry." Bucky muttered, trying to shake off Hydra's logo in his head.  
"I'll try not to dissociate too much."

  
He tried to say nonchalantly, but Steve knew how much he was still struggling.  
"Does stress make it worse?"  
Bucky nodded silently. Steve sighed softly, he hated that this conversation made Bucky stress.

  
In an effort to make Bucky relax, Steve grabbed his hand and brushed his thumb over Bucky's.  
Bucky's eyes followed the movement, then stared at Steve adoringly. He didn't have to hide it anymore, Steve already knew how he felt.

  
Steve was still looking at the wound when he noticed Bucky relax. Carefully he gazed up, meeting Bucky's eyes, smile forming unconsciously.  
God, Bucky was pretty with his hair like this. Steve remembered how he used to look, not a bad look on him either. He remembered wanting to feel Bucky's hair and play with it when he was sketching it, blush light on his face.

  
"I missed you."

  
The words hung heavy in the air, the room almost completely silent apart from some drops falling in the water.

  
Steve stared at Bucky for a moment, still admiring the whole being that was Bucky.

  
"God, I missed you too, Buck. Missed you when I couldn't sleep, missed you when I was around people, missed you always."

  
Steve said but didn't hear the water splashing down when he took Bucky's hand and placed tender kisses on it.

  
Bucky almost melted into it, but also had to hold back rolling his eyes.

_So dramatic, Jeez._

  
"I meant in the exhibition." Bucky said, and Steve stopped in his tracks, taken aback.

  
" _Oh_." He said awkwardly, dropping his hands back in the water. It made Bucky laugh, so the embarrassment was bearable.  
"Why?"

  
Bucky was still chuckling when he took Steve's face in his hands, kissing Steve's cheek.  
"You're cute when you blush." He added. Steve grunted and insisted that he _wasn't_.  
"Anyway, you were gone all day. And you left your phone at home." Bucky continued.

  
Steve pushed his lips against Bucky's wanting to taste him now. Bucky responded by pressing back and taking Steve's neck in his hands.

  
He felt his cock rise in interest, and grabbed Steve towards him more, not wanting to show him his blushing.  
"Buck - need to talk." Steve muttered through the increasingly heated kissing.  
Bucky just attacked his neck and Steve closed his eyes in enjoyment.  
"You started it."  
Steve felt the vibration of the words on his skin, sending a shiver down his back. He decided to rip the band-aid off in one go and pushed himself off Bucky with more strength than necessary.

  
Bucky whined and almost pouted at Steve, but remembered his little embarrassing problem so he refused to look Steve in the eyes.

  
"I guess I just needed to be alone for a while, had to think some things through."

  
Steve said, grinning as he took a quick glance downwards, seeing Bucky stubbornly look to the side.

   
"What things?" Bucky was curious, but apparently the door was much more interesting than Steve's face.  
Steve chuckled.

  
"Some things you had said to me, ass." He laughed as he splashed some water in Bucky's face, who wiped it off and gave Steve a grumpy look.

  
"When I was drunk?" He asked nonetheless, amusing Steve.  
Bucky hadn't seen Steve smile this much in ages, and he was really enjoying this whole thing. Steve nodded in response.

  
"Your love confessions kept haunting me,"

Steve laughed, "and I had to think things through. You know, old memories. From the old days."

He smirked at Bucky, who just tipped his head back a little, listening.  
"And also I wanted to see some old pictures. Which is why _I_ was there, if you were wondering." Steve finished. Bucky just smirked at him, happy that he at least had done what he had wanted.

  
Then he shook his head when a thought popped in his head.  
"Why didn't you tell me the next day?"  
Steve gazed up, face stern.  
"I told you, I wanted us to start because you wanted it, not because you were too afraid to tell me soberly. And Bucky, how could you think I hated you?"

  
Bucky shifted uncomfortably, sending waves of water up Steve's stomach. He stretched his leg, putting his feet next to Steve's thigh.

  
"Gee, I don't know Steve. What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, I know we've been friends since we were like 4 or something, and I know that we both by some miracle are one hundred now, but let me ruin our whole friendship by saying that I love you and I want to fuck you through a wall every time you look at me. Good? Good.'"

  
Steve laughed at Bucky's animated use of his voice. He placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder, who still looked very serious, with a hint of shame.

  
"C'mon, you could've pulled that off. Besides, why would I hate you for that? I'd be flattered."

  
Steve said, almost proudly.  
Bucky averted his gaze and tried to do the impossible: put his emotions into words.

  
"Steve, c'mon! It's true. I was planning on... What I really tried to tell you at the Smithsonian was that I was gonna move out."

  
Steve's jaw dropped, concern 100% on his face.

  
"Wha-"

  
"That's what I meant with 'I can't do you anymore'. Also, that was a jerk move, man."

Bucky said without any real heat, but Steve's head still dropped down a little.  
"I wanted to move out because. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Every fucking second was torture, I just wanted to shout at you every time we talked. But I also wanted to shove you up against the wall."

  
Steve made a face at him, which had Bucky making a _Seriously?_ face. Then he willed his expression to be serious again, saying: "I probably would've let you."

  
"Yeah well thanks, Stevie. That information would've been so useful." Bucky's voice was filled with sarcasm.

  
Steve knew it was his defence mechanism, he had never known Bucky to talk seriously about his feelings without it.

  
"I was ashamed. I thought you'd throw me out and never wanted to see me again."

  
Steve's breath stopped for a second, taking in Bucky's expression and body language.

"Bucky, please stop. Don't you ever, _ever_ think that again. There is nothing you can say to me that would make me hate you."

  
Bucky went completely still, not believing the words. So Steve let his thumb brush against Bucky's lower lip.

  
"I'm being serious. God, if I knew you thought that... I would've kissed you so much, everywhere. I would've made you feel how much I love you."

  
Bucky slowly turned his eyes at Steve, inspecting him from top to bottom.  
"You really mean that?"  
Steve nodded eagerly.

  
"Yes, God, Buck. I swear -"

  
He got cut off by Bucky's lips, surprisingly soft. The kiss was slow and tender, and Bucky let his metal arm curl around Steve's shoulders.

   
Steve tried to crawl up Bucky's lap, but couldn't because there wasn't enough space.  
They laughed at this, breaking their kiss.

  
"Shit. Want to feel you." Steve muttered disappointedly. One look down told Bucky why he was so eager all of a sudden.  
Bucky let his hand go through Steve's hair, gold locks between his fingers. A fond smile krept up his face and Steve couldn't supress the obscene moan, even if his life depended on it.

  
Bucky just raised one eyebrow, hand still holding a lock and looking surprised at Steve, who was blushing furiously. Quickly he pushed his face in Bucky's chest.

  
"Shut up!" The muffled words came.

  
Bucky chuckled hard, grinning from ear to ear. He continued petting Steve's hair, the fingers of his other hand running over Steve's back lightly.

  
"What was that?"

  
"I said shut up!" Steve muttered, blushing furiously.

  
" _Steve_." Bucky said as he cupped Steve's chin to make him look at Bucky, but Steve stubbornly kept his head in place.

  
A minute passed, both of them silent, Steve enjoying the rising and falling of the other's chest, Bucky enjoying the calmness in his head for once.

  
"When you smiled I thought about you..." Steve muttered, slowly raising his head to Bucky's level.

  
"Yes?" Bucky mocked.

  
"About those damned lips around my cock." Steve said suddenly gaining all of his confidence back. _Now or never_ , he thought as he pushed away his embarrassment.

  
He towered over Bucky again, sitting up. Bucky just licked his lips while looking at Steve's with a heated gaze in his eyes.

  
"Fuck, Stevie. That's the best damn thing I've heard in a fucking hundred years."

  
Bucky grinned as he hungrily kissed Steve. Steve eagerly returned the favor, grabbing at Bucky's chest. He was frustrated that he couldn't press his body more into Bucky, and broke the kiss to complain.

  
"C'mon what kind of bullshit is this? Who makes a bathtub this small?" His voice broke and Bucky shook his head in amazement.

  
"Well, let's get out of here then." he murmured as he kissed Steve's neck.

  
Steve approved and they got out of the now lukewarm water.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to their past. Warning: Skinny!Steve

It was hot in the apartment, too hot.

Bucky lay splayed out on the couch, arms hovering in the air above his head, legs dangling from the other side of the seat.  
His eyes were closed, enjoying the ray of sun that settled exactly in the middle of his body, highlighting his nose and lips, down to his navel.

A key turned in a lock and soon Steve stepped in, forehead glistening with sweat. Immediately he dropped the keys onto a small table and kicked off his shoes.  
He looked around in the yellowish room and his gaze fell on Bucky, all hot in their living room.

"Hey Stevie." Bucky said lazily with one eye open. Steve's were glued to Bucky's lips, which he licked with his pink tongue.

"Hey."

Steve managed weakly, throat dry. He admired Bucky and couldn't help his gaze wandering down. Bucky's beautiful chest was naked, apart from his open shirt. The fabric lay against his sides and Steve wanted to tear it off completely.

Instead, he kept staring at the marvel in front of him, handsomely positioned just for his eyes to see.  
Steve wanted to always see this image, this side of Bucky.  
He got an idea.

"Bucky?"

Said person turned his head, now looking at Steve with both eyes, a hand in front of his face to cover the sunshine.

"Hm? 'S wrong?"

Steve had to gather some courage before asking it.  
He fidgeted nervously with the end of his shirt for a second, before remembering not to act suspicious.

"Can I draw you like this? In this position?"

Bucky snorted.

But then he saw that Steve was being serious, and he softened his tone a little.

"Sure. You can draw me _in this position_. " Bucky mocked.  
"Who wants to do anything with this weather anyway, let alone draw?"

Bucky shook his head slightly, not putting much effort in the movement.  
God, Steve could act crazy sometimes.

Steve flashed him a small smile before searching for his sketchbook and pencils.

He placed a chair in front of the couch and tried to get comfortable.

"Stay still." Steve's stubborn voice ordered. Bucky nodded, again with little effort. He let his hands drop above his head again.

"Don't worry, I'll probably fall asleep like this." Bucky said, already letting his mind wonder.

Steve started sketching and began thinking deeply too. They were both 17 now, and Steve had to admit that lately, Bucky always managed to catch his attention somehow.  
Whether it be his smooth voice or his bare chest or even just his eyes, Steve was always looking. He couldn't help it.

It wasn't until Steve was woken up by Bucky from a wet dream, that he understood why. Steve was confused when he opened his eyes, body half falling off the small bed. Bucky said that he had been rutting against the matress and making noises. They had a laugh about it, or at least Bucky did, and went back to sleep (or at least Bucky did).  
Steve had been mulling over the dream ever since, seeing Bucky kiss him in his mind's eye.

Steve knew how wrong it was. There was no question, him and Bucky would never happen that way. So he repressed his feelings, or tried to. But sometimes it was _damn_  hard. Like now.

Steve was tracing lines over Bucky's form to perfect it. He looked delicious and Steve had to hold back to not lick up the beads of sweat that cling to Bucky's stomach. God, he wanted to touch.

"Say Stevie, when is this thing gonna be ready? I have a terrible itch."

Steve almost jumped at the words, being so lost in thoughts. He composed himself and looked up.

"Where? Maybe I can scratch it for you."

This wasn't something they hadn't done before. Bucky said he'd get the feeling that a thousend bugs were crawling his skin if he sat still for too long. Steve didn't want to mess up the position so he offered to scratch it for him. And so that tradition began.

But Bucky just smirked lazily, giving Steve chills.

"Don't think you wanna go there with those perfect hands of yours. Might ruin your innocence."

 _Oh_.

Steve swallowed hard and tried to think of a witty response, but his mind was broken. _Good job, Steve_.

Bucky laughed and then sat up, breaking his stillness.

"Sorry. Imma go to the bathroom and when I come back I wanna see the drawing. Deal?"

Steve nodded dryly. Ugh, why'd he have to have a crush on his best friend? He had enough problems already. Bucky was never one of them. He was usually the one trying to solve them.

Steve's mind got to wonder and soon he was imagining him jerking Bucky off, Bucky moaning into his ear.

He got cut off by hearing the door open. And then he noticed his boner under the sketchbook. His lungs were shit but at least _that_ worked. Sometimes too well.

Bucky lazily came to stand behind Steve, one hand on the back of the chair.

"Pretty nice." he nodged his head to the book.

Bucky was inspecting the drawing while all Steve could feel was Bucky's hand against his sweaty back. Oh no, would he mind the sweat? He didn't, right? _Otherwise he would take his hand away_  , Steve reassured himself.

But then something worse happened, Bucky wanted to take the sketchbook off Steve's lap to take a closer look.

Steve held it in place firmly, making Bucky raise an eyebrow at him.  
He sighed and then asked:

"Can I _please_ take it?"

Thinking this was about manners, Bucky rolled his eyes. But Steve still didn't let go.

"No. It's uh - it's not ready yet."

Bucky let go of the chair now, turning so he was standing in front of Steve.

"So? I want to look!" he wined and tried to pull the book out of Steve's hands. He was so much stronger than Steve, but Steve started talking to distract him (even though he himself was very distracted by the open shirt and Bucky's body).

"Buck no, c'mon! I'll show you when I'm ready. Besides, you can see it now, can't you?"

"What? Can't I touch your precious sketchbook? What's this about?"  
Bucky's hands were raised when talking, emphasizing his words.

"You know you can touch everything, 's just not ready yet."

Steve regretted his choise of words because Bucky then grinned wickedly at him.  _Shit!_ That face went right to Steve's dick (but not really), making it throb.

He wanted to touch himself so badly, but didn't know how to free himself from Bucky's intriguing stare. If he let go of the book, Bucky would notice the obvious bulge for sure.

Steve sighed exaggeratedly but was cut off halfway when Bucky sank down to his knees. Then he looked up Steve, who had to be careful not to look down with heated eyes.

"Turn the page." Bucky said, still looking up at Steve.

Steve was so taken aback that he didn't understand. All he could think about was Bucky putting his mouth on his dick. To be fair, Bucky had placed himself in that exact position, so the suggestion wasn't that farfetched.

"What?"

Steve sighed out a little too hard.

If Bucky noticed, he didn't let it on.

"Turn the page so I can look properly. If I can't bring your book closer to my eyes then I'll bring my eyes closer to your."

He didn't finish the sentence. Was he doing this on purpose?  
Steve clumisly turned the page, making sure not to lift it off his lap.

Bucky inspected the drawing and a finger inched closer to the paper.

"Don't touch!" Steve said in panic. It would probably smear out the graphite and ruin the drawing.

Bucky just gazed up, an easy smile on his face.

"I thought I could touch everything?"

_Goddammit!_

"Not the drawing itself, you know that!" Steve shot back.

Bucky ignored the angry tone and focused on the drawing again.

 _How long can you look at a drawing?_ Steve wondered bitterly. He wanted to push Bucky's head in his lap already.

"Stevie?" Bucky asked in a nonchalant tone.

Steve hm-ed and Bucky continued, now making flirtatious eye contact. Steve was just imagining this, right? He had to be.

"My head itches. Can you scratch it for me?"

It didn't make any sense but Steve wasn't going to complain, taking any chance to touch Bucky.

He put one hand on Bucky, just massaging his head.

"Where?"

His voice cracked but he didn't care anymore. Seeing Bucky close his eyes in bliss was enough to make his shitty life and all the rejections bearable.

"Don't care, just keep touching me like this."  
Bucky smirked, eyes still closed.

_Fuuuuck!_

Steve almost couldn't control the moan that was in his throat. He focused on his hand, taking short strokes of brown hair between his fingers.  
They were surprisingly soft but also damp from the heat.

Bucky dropped his head down, giving Steve access to the back of his head. Steve took it eagerly and brushed his fingers by accident on Bucky's ear, who started to moan obscenely.

Steve's whole world stopped.

Bucky's moans were the absolute best thing he's ever heard, making his head dizzy and spinning.

Neither of them noticed the sketchbook falling down.

Steve continued his massage, looking down at Bucky like he was the only damn thing in the world.

Bucky opened his eyes, looking up at Steve with hunger. He licked his lips again, making Steve's cock even harder.

"Steve. Is this okay for you?"

Steve's head nodded so fast it surprised Bucky.

"Yes, damn Buck. _Please_."  
He pleaded, not sure what for.

"Even with the noises?" Bucky inquired.

Steve let out a shaky breath.

"Is it okay that I want you to taste me?"  
He grabbed Bucky's hair slightly harder, and Bucky bit back another moan.

Steve couldn't believe this was happening. Bucky looked so hot on his knees, and that damned shirt sure did the trick for Steve.

Bucky got a mischievous glint in his eyes and he tilted his head down again, looking up at Steve through his eyelashes.  
Slowly, so Steve could stop him if he wanted to, Bucky brought one hand up and started to stroke Steve through his pants.

" _Godfuckshit!_ " Steve threw back his head. It felt incredibly good, finally getting some release.

"That good, huh?" Bucky asked in a cocky tone. And fuck, Steve loved him for it. Always so sure of himself, yet just humble enough to enjoy pleasing others.

Bucky put more pressure on the strokes, getting beautiful moans from the blonde.

"Oh! _Bucky!_ " Steve breathed, hand tight in Bucky's hair.  
He wanted to kiss Bucky so badly, wanted to run his tongue over the other's.  
When his mind finally made the connection of hand, clench, raise, Bucky crashed his mouth eagerly to Steve's. Hungrily Bucky grabbed Steve's neck with both hands, deepening the kiss. He felt a sharp sting when Steve bit his lower lip, making his cock twitch.

Steve let his tongue push hard against Bucky's, who returned the favor. Steve's hands clenched desperately to Bucky's back, wanting him closer. Bucky let one hand slide down Steve's front, chaste touches and then he stroked over his cock again, making Steve moan into his mouth. _Fuck,_  this was really hot.

Steve pushed down Bucky's shirt almost aggressively. Bucky chuckled at this, remembering how Steve had been staring earlier.

"Been wanting -" Kiss. “to do that for long?” Bucky teased, riling up an already tense Steve, who leaned back now.  
Then, without warning, Steve dipped his head down and _licked_ Bucky's skin, top to bottom.  
Bucky threw his head back in pleasure, hands grabbing Steve's head.

"Always a big mouth." Steve smirked as he kissed a dazed Bucky.  
Bucky turned his heated gaze at Steve's eyes, who were full of fire as well.

"Why don't you put it somewhere useful?"

Bucky stared at Steve for a moment, both startled and impressed.

"Fuck Stevie." he hissed then, putting his hands on Steve's bulge and stroking a few times more before undoing the button. Steve watched him do it.

In fact, they were both watching each other, challenging the other.  
It was the hottest staring contest Steve had ever been in. God, he was really gonna be in trouble if he thought about that look on Bucky too much. He didn't think that jerking off 5 times an hour would be acceptable.

Then Steve _moaned_ when Bucky put a hand on his bare cock, squeezing the head experimentally.

Steve's eyes were closed and he breathed harshly. Bucky loved it and started to stroke down, feeling Steve buck his hips further into his hands. Bucky named himself the luckiest man on earth when he heard Steve breathe his name.

This would not last long for Bucky. He was sure to blast his load if Steve would touch him right now.  
But luckily for him, Steve was too busy clinging to Bucky's shoudlers, moaning incoherently.

Bucky chuckled at the sight. _Fuck!_

"God Steve. You're beautiful."  
He stroked Steve's cheek with his other hand. The skin felt hot and soft.  
He was interupted in his admiring when Steve spoke.

"Buck, _please_ , use your mouth."

Steve was already so far gone, he didn't hear Bucky mutter how fucking hot he was.

Immediately Bucky sank down to his knees again, wasting no time to lick the precum off Steve's dick, and fuck, if that didn't taste exactly like he had imagined.

Steve's hips jerked forward aggressively, forcing his dick further into Bucky's mouth. Bucky moaned around it, starting to explore the soft skin with his tongue.

"Oh my God, sorry!" Steve panicked for a second, but then threw his head back as Bucky started to bob his up and down, _slowly_.

" _Hhnngg!_  "

Steve was gone, totally gone. His mind had gone blank, not aware of anything around him anymore. The only things that existed were his swollen cock and Bucky wrapped around it.

_Fuck._

He wasn't even aware of the way his hips jerked in time with Bucky's strokes, one hand around the base now. Steve felt incredible, sweet bliss in every vein of his body.

Bucky moaned again, couldn't help it. The way Steve was looking down at him was too much, especially while tasting him. Instinctively his free hand went downwards, gripping his hard cock through his pants.

Steve could feel the vibrations of Bucky's grunts on his dick, sensitive and probably over-stimulated. His fingers gripped the brown locks harder to try and stop his orgasm washing over him. But the sensation sent Bucky over the edge himself, making him moan even harder. Steve _couldn't fucking resist_ and blasted everything in Bucky, who was hazy and dazed and swallowed while looking up at Steve with those _damned_ eyes.

_Fuck!_

 

After coming down from their highs, they smiled at each other lovingly. Bucky stood up to kiss Steve, lips soft and lazy.

"Love you." he muttered while holding Steve's face, who was extremely exhausted. He saw Steve's eye drooping and placed a gentle kiss on the blonde's forehead, still beaming with sweat.

"Love you too, Buck."

Steve's voice was low and Bucky could even hear how tired he was.

"C'mon, let's take a nap."

He took Steve's hand and lead him to their small bed.

The last thing either of them were thinking of was the forgotten drawing, still laying on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how Steve would've liked it to go.  
> In reality, Bucky got up from his knees after looking at the drawing. He left the room so Steve could get up in dignity.  
> Of course Bucky knew about Steve's boner and teased him a bit.


	10. Chapter 10

Steve sighed contently as he watched Bucky stirr in his sleep. He looked so peaceful, as if he hadn't been able to sleep for 7 years and now finally did.

Half an hour later Bucky woke up, Steve being the first thing he saw. And God, it was so what he had imagined. A genuine smile creeped up his face as he saw Steve's blue eyes.

"Mornin'."  
Bucky's voice was still husky and a knot formed in Steve's stomach.

"Hey beautiful. How'd you sleep?" Steve returned, then leaning in for a soft lazy kiss.

"Like a baby." Bucky chuckled.

Yesterday night, after the bath, Steve got Bucky some food because even though Bucky insisted that Steve's dick was enough, he didn't quite believe that as Bucky's stomach kept complaining.

Bucky took Steve in his arms to cuddle and Steve dropped his head on Bucky's chest. He placed a kiss on top of Steve's head.

"This feels nice. Like home. Like Brooklyn."

"Baby, we _are_  in Brooklyn."  
Bucky replied, but Steve shook his head violently.

"No no I mean. Like when we were 16."

Steve looked up to Bucky. His eyes were shining and big and round and innocent. Bucky had thought he couldn't love Steve more than he already did, but he was so wrong.  
Having him close to him like this was so much better than stealing glances and touches.

Never in his life would he believe that he was truly worthy of Steve, but he would try to be every waking moment for the rest of their lives.

"You mean like when you had a big crush on me?" Bucky smirked, challenging Steve a little.

"Hey I didn't have a crush on you 'till I was 17 and -"  
_Dammit_  Barnes!

"Well played."

Steve dipped his head back down, nuzzling the warm skin.

"Why didn't you say anything?"  
Bucky was curious.

Steve huffed. He had been repressing his feelings for the most part of their friendship.  
That included: ignoring the voices that told him how fucking beautiful Bucky was, ignoring his dick when Bucky's low voice sent shivers down his spine, ignoring his jealousy when Bucky's arm was around some young dame, ignoring images of Bucky while mastrubating...

"I ignored it. Besides, I thought you didn't want me. And also, at the time... Taboo."  
Steve trailed off, enjoying Bucky's hand going through his hair and over his back.

Bucky nodded, understanding completely.  
Steve was right, when they were 17 there was a time when Steve couldn't keep his eyes off Bucky, stuttering and being even more clumsy than he already was. But then it stopped suddenly, as if Steve had caught on and put it to rest.

Bucky still regrets not teasing him more at the time. He knew Steve and how to push his buttons. He would've made him break, the way Steve had done to him at the exhibition, but Bucky would be _way_  worse than that.

"How long have you...?"  
Steve broke the silence, thinking about their past.

"I think it started when we were 14. Not sure. In a way, I think I've always loved you."

Bucky almost cringed at his own cliché-ness. Good thing Steve was always like this.

"God, you were such a small ball of rage back then, always angry."

They laughed at this and looked each other in the eyes.

"You would be too in my place."

"I would do a lot of things in your place."  
Bucky's voice was cocky and the sentence was specifically chosen to nodge Steve's curiosity.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

_Gotcha!_

“Just, y'know. I mean. We were living in only two rooms, if I had a crush on my roommate I would've made him curious. Like say, moaning his name out loud.”

Steve froze. _What the -?_

There had only been one, and _only_ one time where Steve had let go, feeling so good and high on his orgasm that he gasped Bucky's name into his pillow.

Bucky had been out at the time, Steve would've bet his life on it.

“No! Nooooo!”

Steve panicked and burried his head in Bucky's chest, which was shocking up and down from laughter.

"Yeeees! I heard. I know, I wasn't supposed to get off work that early. But yeah, I heard. And it was _so_  good."

Bucky kissed Steve's head again. He was so adorable when he was flustered.

"Hold on a sec - if you heard that than why didn't you do anything about it?"  
Steve's head came up again, shame gone from his face.

"I... I was too scared. And also, a few days later you stopped staring, so. I thought you were"  
Air quotes with his hands.  
"over me."

Steve smiled.

"So basically we were two idiots in love with each other."

"Still are." Bucky didn't miss a beat.  
  
Steve laughed at this and squeezed Bucky's boob with one had, warm hunch of flesh under his fingers. Bucky swatted his hand away.

"Well, this idiot's hungry." Steve said then.

Smooth as he was, Bucky grinned at Steve, mischief on his face.

"I have something -"

"Maybe later." Steve interrupted. Bucky pulled him closer and pushed his lips against Steve's. He deepened the kiss by forcing his tongue in Steve's mouth, earning a whimper from the blonde. Steve bit Bucky's lip, maybe a little too hard.  
Bucky grunted and pulled away.

"Definitely later." Steve sighed and pecked Bucky on the lips again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks!

Bucky was staring at Steve as he flipped over a pancake. He smiled dumbly, lost in thoughts.

Steve shook his head in amusement. Bucky could be so innocent at times.

“One pancake for Mr. Barnes. ”  
Steve smiled as he placed a plate on the table.

Bucky radiated proudly at the food. Steve had made this for _him_.   
After so many normal breakfasts together, where Bucky had to pretend Steve hadn't been the last thing on his mind before falling asleep and the first thing when he woke up, this was a big improvement.

He could stare at Steve, _his_ Steve now, could swat his ass if he wanted to, could flirt and give complements.  
It was amazing. He already felt like life was worth living a thousand times more.

“Thank you, Stevie. Babe. The love of my life. You've got a nice ass. ”

Bucky answered, trying out all the different options he had thought in the past.

Steve chuckled, placing a plate for himself in front of Bucky's.

He pulled the chair backwards while inspecting Bucky. He didn't blink as Bucky focussed on his food, tearing a piece off with his hands.

“You do things to my body, Buck. It's unreal.”

Bucky blushed and gazed up from his plate and saw bright blue eyes bore into his.

“I _could_  be doing things to your body if you'd let me right now.”

Despite his blushing, he winked at Steve.  
Steve chuckled again and poured himself some orange juice.

“Besides, you used to be as thin as a breadstick, and _I'm_ unreal?”

Steve nodded while concentrating on cutting his pancake up.

“Yes. ”

They exchanged loving looks that turned into smirks.

“Any good?”

Steve asked after a few minutes, nudging his head to Bucky's plate.

Bucky made a sound that wasn't quite a moan, but it was definitely not _not_ a moan.

“So good! How did you learn to cook this?”

Bucky took another one from the pile of pancakes.

“It's not that hard. Natasha gave me some recipes that were easy to make and require little ingredients.”

Bucky nodded to show he was listening. Steve lifted his glass and gulped the juice down.

The kitchen smelled of coffee and pancakes. It was nice, the sunlight coming in through the big window, falling directly on Bucky's metal arm.

Steve had always liked Bucky's arm.   
He thought it was kinda cool, and Bucky definitely rocked it.

They were both lost in thoughts as they munched on the pancakes, eyes either focused on the food or on each other.

When they finished eating Bucky pushed his chair back and stood up, taking his plate off the table. A few seconds later Steve did the same.

He smirked as he closed in on Bucky's back, who was putting his plate into the sink.  
Steve bore his half-hard cock to Bucky's ass and nuzzled his neck.

“How about you let me blow you now? We've got a lot to catch up to.”

The murmuring in Bucky's ear made him horny as soon as his brain registered what Steve had been saying. The warmth of him against Bucky's back only added to the sensation, making him weak in the knees.

“Fuck that would be amazing!”

Steve pressed soft kisses to Bucky's neck, hands roaming his chest.

Bucky smirked and turned around, immediately being pressed into the furniture.

“Eager, aren't you?”

He teased as Steve attacked his neck, pressing a trail of kisses up to his chin.

“Shut up, had to hold back for 70 years. ”

Bucky pressed his lips to Steve's softly, making them both melt.

“You don't - have to - anymore.”

Bucky muttered between kisses.

This made Steve stop in his tracks, immediately taking a step back.

“Steve?”

Steve's face went from horrified to utterly happy in a few seconds. Now he was staring at Bucky as if he was seeing things be hadn't before.

“Give me a minute, I'll be waiting in the shower.”

He smiled and pressed a quick soft kiss to Bucky's mouth.

Bucky watched as Steve left the room in a hurry, wondering.

The new situation probably took some adjusting, was what Bucky told himself.

He shrugged and pushed himself to start walking, following his Steve - his lover, now.

Before opening the bathroom door he reflected on his feelings, how completely, idiotically happy he was.

If this was gonna be his life from now on, he couldn't care less how idiotic he was.


End file.
